Posted August 23, 2012 by Robert Burris in Movies & Video

The Expendables 2 Review: Testosterone Thrill Ride

The Expendables 2 Review

The Expendables 2 review: In my last review I described the film in one word, and I can totally do that again; only this time it’s a much nicer word. “Testosterone!” This movie was so full of it that when I walked out of the theater I had this undeniable urge to do manly things like drive my car way too fast, lift weights, shoot guns, kill an animal and then eat that tasty animal…raw. There were no twists,  no turns, and no surprises.  It was just two hours of bloody fun, action packed, homage to the 80′s and 90′s action stars, with cheesy one liners delivered by grandpa’s that could and would kick your butt.

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Jean-Claude Van Damme played an epic bad guy and it was so awesome to see Chuck Norris as John Booker. Rated R this is not a family film. It basks in and glorifies the carnage to a degree that it’s ridiculous and it knows it. I was not a fan of the first film. I thought it was slow and could have just been an episode of the A-TEAM with a new cast. That being said The Expendables 2 was so much more satisfying than The Expendables. The action scenes are better in every way. The cinematography as a whole was better. (No shaky Cam! Huzahh!) So glad Stallone stepped down and put a pro in place. Smart move!

Even the humor has been punched up although the best lines were clearly given to Schwarzenegger. We all go into the film knowing The Expendables 2 isn’t about character development or narrative genius and it doesn’t try too hard but it does try a little. What it is about, and let me make this clear, is killing people, blowing things up, and bringing childhood action heroes together in an interesting way. A-TEAM on steroids would be a great spoof film name. I hope someone steals that idea…

Just look at this cast

Stallone: Team Captain and Fearless Leader Barney Ross

Jason Statham: Lee Christmas Second in command

Dolph Lundgren: Gunner Jensen, Support

Jet Li: Briefly

Terry Crews: Hale Caesar

Randy Couture: Toll Road

Liam Hemsworth: Billy the Kid

Nan Yu’s: Maggie, Kick ass Female Asian! Need I say more?

Van Damme: Evil Guy

Bruce Willis: Mr. Church

Schwarzenegger: Trench,

Chuck Norris: John Booker from 1978′s Good Guys Wear Black


What plot? There was a plot in this movie? Something about revenge and saving the world I think. Just kidding…

So it goes down like this. The gang is getting some R&R after saving a Chinese billionaire from some bad guys. Mr. Church blackmails Stallone and crew into helping track down an unknown package. Kicker is they must protect/babysit this chick named Maggie who swears she can handle herself. Mission completed in like two seconds flat they are heading home when dun…Bad guy shows up and holds member the newest member of Stallone’s team hostage. He wants what they have and he gets it from them but still kills the hostage. Now pissed as hell and out for revenge we find out that inside the package were the blueprints to an old mine where a lot of weapons-grade plutonium was stashed. Que the dramatic music! Now it all makes sense, the villain needed those plans so they are not digging in the wrong spots until the sun burns out. Van Damme and crew have been holding local villages hostage and using them as slave labor to find this black market gold so he can become rich. This entire movie is based around this set up that will eventually lead to Stallone fighting Van Damme. Which while is totally epic and awesome just imagine how much better it would have been in their prime!


My only complaint is they could have probably toned down the dialogue and character building even more. I’m not sure anyone cares that much. Just more combat. The one liners this time around are pretty good so I won’t spoil any of those.

That about sums it up. The Expendables 2 is exactly what it’s supposed to be. I’m pretty sure everyone will go into this movie understanding what they’re getting themselves into so it’s unlikely to disappoint. In fact, because it offers more than the original it can be much more satisfying. Generic action flick? Yes! Throwback to the ’80s and ’90s with many of the actors who were action stars back then? Yes! Looking for a huge dose of heart pounding chest thumping testosterone? If you answered yes, GO SEE THIS FILM!

Geek Smash score: 76/100

Robert Burris

I’m a Denver resident with over 20 years of gaming experience. I love all things Geek! A typical weekend for me involves lots of music listening, TV watching, movie enjoying, and video game playing. I hope to make an impact on the industry that will lead to more enjoyable experiences for the video game players.