Posted August 28, 2012 by Robert Burris in Movies & Video
 
 

True Blood Season Finale Review: "Save Yourself"

True Blood Season Finale Review: “Save Yourself”


Score 49.5/100

*** Spoilers ***

The season 5 True Blood season finale was in a word; bizarre. Ultimately all of the story lines ended in a very abrupt, unusual, and unsatisfying manner.

Russell having just drank the elder faerie blood gained a massive amount of power and began to descend upon the crowd of faeries overseeing the events. They are all unloading their light on him, which seems to have little; to no effect… When out of nowhere Eric swoops in like the Dark Knight and stakes Russell without a word… Seriously it was like two second long… Goodbye 3000+ year old vampire hopped up on elder faerie. He began to melt and steam and then exploded all over Eric. Talk about anticlimactic. From here things get a little weird.

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Eric goes back to  Fangtasia to collect a bunch of money or move it for reasons never explained. Tara tells Eric that the Authority has taken Pam. They then collect some light-proof and indestructible coffins. Back at Sookie’s house her brother Jason is tripping out and seeing visions of his dead parents; again for reasons never explained. Eric and Tara show up and convince Sookie that Bill must be saved. Jason decides to tag along; spouting it’s his right as an American to be an idiot.  Jason goes to stock up on weapons proclaiming that they are at war with vampires and Sookie needs to pick a side.

Meanwhile at the authority Sam is brought before Bill and tries to reason with him but it’s no use. Bill proclaims that he has seen too much and Sam realizing the implications turns into a fly and escapes into the ventilation system. Bill showing just how crazy he is jumps around at vampiric speed trying to catch the fly stopping every few seconds to sit on the chandelier or hang from the rafters. The guards however draw their guns and proceed to watch Bill uselessly.

Alcide is having a nice father son conversation when Emma’s Grandmother shows up with Rikki who is overdosing on V.

At Merlot’s, Lafayette and the waitresses are drinking margaritas and listening to music when Andy shows up with Maurella to confess to Holly; while Maurella sits down to eat an entire container of salt. Mid confession Maurella’s light breaks.

Back at the Authority Sam is still buzzing around as a fly which apparently has kaleidoscopic vision…

Alcide’s dad has a magic serum that cures those overdosing on V and just so happens to also have a “secret” stock pile of ancient vampire blood… in the fridge … “Just for situations like this.” Seriously after all those beers he got from that fridge how did Alcide never notice that…

At Merlot’s Maurella pops out the fourth baby, stands up with a completely flat stomach, tells Andy to have a nice life, leaves her kids with him and then goes back to Faerie land.

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At the Authority Sam lands in Luna’s cell and tries to convince her to escape with him. Unwilling to leave her daughter she refuses. He then turns back into a fly and returns to the ventilation shafts where he peeps in on Bill and Salome having sex.

Alcide returns to his pack hopped up on ancient vampire blood and pummels J.D. to death. Anticlimactic was clearly the theme of this episode.

Meanwhile Merlot is still flying around the vents. Luna tries to escape the Authority with her daughter in tow by skin-walking out as Steve Newlin. Best laid plains never work out and Rosalyn finds her but thinks she is Steve. She drags her away to give a press conference. Mid press conference and on live television the skin-walking fails revealing the existence of shifters to the world. Luna siezes the opportunity to tell the world The Vampire Authority is keeping a stock pile of humans under Louisiana. Rosalyn knocks over the camera and charges Luna but quickly Sam still in fly form flies down her throat and turns back into a human popping her like a grape. Apparently we found the perfect anti-vampire weapon…

Sookie, Jason, Eric, and his sister arrive on site at the Vampire Authority. Bill lets them in the gate. Salome and Bill then go collect Lilith’s blood and have a conversation about who is more worthy. Salome being older and stronger decides that it is her and drinks the blood.

Eric and crew enter the Authority on a mission. Jason with his unlimited ammo and homing bullets kills like thirty highly trained vampire soldiers in the span of about three minuets. Eric and his sister kill like thirty more by throwing a few stakes that were strapped to their chest and running around staking the rest. Tara and Sookie go downstairs to save Jessica and Pam but have to wait for Eric and his sister to unlock the silver gates. As soon as the doors open Tara and Pam share in a completely irrational and unexpected lesbian moment. Jessica however somehow knew all along…

Completely unfazed by the war going on all around them. Bill reveals his true colors and master plan. Salome starts puking up the blood which was not Lilith’s blood at all but some other blood laced with silver. She complements his cleverness before he stakes her in the heart. She melts, pops and steams… Bill is about to drink the real Lilith’s blood when Eric and Sookie show up and attempt to appeal to his human half. A wasted effort Bill shrugs them off and drinks  the blood anyway then instantly melts. Sookie cries out in horror and then from the blood puddle a Lilith/Bill hybrid which can only be referred to henceforth as “Billith” is born. Eric screams to Sookie “Run!”


Robert Burris

 
I’m a Denver resident with over 20 years of gaming experience. I love all things Geek! A typical weekend for me involves lots of music listening, TV watching, movie enjoying, and video game playing. I hope to make an impact on the industry that will lead to more enjoyable experiences for the video game players.