Posted August 27, 2013 by Jon Burrows in Movies & Video
 
 

Top Ten Greatest Fictional Small Towns

Ten Greatest Small Towns From the Small Screen or Movies

Rah, rah, sis boom bah!  Nobody knows what it means, but we love to shout it anyway.  I saw a statistic somewhere once that said under 20% of Americans live in cities with a population higher than 500,000; it’s somewhere around 17%, to be exact.  While most of the suburbs of America’s major cities would fall outside of that 17%, it still means that most Americans would understand small town life before they would understand what it means to live in New York or Chicago or LA or the like.

I’m from a relatively small town in Georgia, and you’d better believe that “hometown pride” is a thing.  If the folks in “that other town” started talking, we’d be up in arms over it.  It wasn’t all parades and festivals like the quaint village of Punxsutawney, PA, but you get the idea.  It was something of a cross between “Remember the Titans” and “October Sky,” except without the mountains, the integration drama, or crippling depression of coal mining towns.

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“What…what do you mean ‘No Parades’?”

Today we are going to celebrate ten of the best fictional small towns in America.  As should be obvious to you already, let me explain the rules.  First, it must be a fictional place.  While the drama in “Remember the Titans,” or “Friday Night Lights,” or say “October Sky” are all a little sensationalized, those cities are based on real places (namely Alexandria, VA; Permian, TX; and Coalwood/War, WV, which I have been to, and is a really cool small town to visit), so they do not count.  Also, it must be a SMALL town.  We can discuss the irony of the word “small” being in all-caps later.  But places like Gotham and Metropolis clearly do not qualify as small towns, although Metropolis, IL is a really small town in real life with a big statue of Superman on the side of the road.  Check it out some time.

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Didn’t know super jackalopes were native to these parts, too.

Now a few of these towns we’re going to look at are clearly based on real places, but they are not themselves real places, so they receive no penalty.  Also, everything has to be filmed somewhere–just because a few of these fake small towns were filmed in real small towns, doesn’t mean we can hold that against them.  So sit right back, prop your feet up, and take a gander at this here list of the coolest fictional small towns in America.  But don’t you talk against them, or else there’ll be trouble with the local greasers!

(Also, all small towns are apparently stuck in the 50s in my mind)

 

#10 – Bon Temps, LA
Selling Point:  Odds are good that you’ll either be a vampire, a werewolf, a shifter, or date someone who is.
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We’re all just folk, here.

Once upon a time, the words “Vampires Ahead” would’ve prompted fear and caution.  However, in the last few decades, people like Anne Rice have worked to make vampires more than dangerous – they’re dangerously sexy!  While the Bon Temps vampires of “True Blood” fame are more vicious than the gloriously declawed and defanged vampires of the Twilight saga, they do share some of the same glamour.  Not to mention, these vampires actively do something called “glamouring” which is essentially vampire brain-washing.  It’s honestly a kind of messed up place, but hey.  If vampires are your thing…

But fear not!  There is a balance in Bon Temps.  First of all, they have this product called True Blood (huh…so that’s where they get the name) that allows vampires to drink synthetic blood and leave people alone, so they can all live in open peace.  Boy, it sure would be a shame if something happened to all that True Blood supply.

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“I’d have been a star if not for that knee injury…and being drained by a vamp, and all.”

Beyond the vampires, however, there are other forces to keep the vampires in check.  There are werewolves and shifters, people who can take on the forms of various animals.  Why the shifters stick for lame things like cows and owls, I don’t know.  I’d go for being a dragon.  Or Bugs Bunny.  Is that possible?  Then we have the Faeries.  They’re an odd bunch.  They read people’s minds, they shoot light out of their hands, and they grow up very fast.

While it’s implied that these kinds of people live all throughout Louisiana and the world, there’s a definite concentration in and around Bon Temps, LA.  You could grow up in Bon Temps your whole life and then one day find out that your best friend and local restauranteur can become a white cow all willy nilly.  You could be dating a girl and she only wants to go out after dark, for some reason.  You think, “Sure, maybe she just thinks I’m ugly and doesn’t want people to see me.  I get that.”  But no.  She’s probably one of the walking dead, and I don’t mean zombies.  I…I mean a vampire.  Deal with it.

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“Did I miss my cue?”

So if you’re looking for a fun little cajun corner to call home, come visit Bon Temps, LA.  You’re sure to find a good time!  Since…you know…”Bon Temps” is French for good time.  And even if you end up dating a vampire or a werewolf, don’t fear.  These are sexy vampires.  And thank goodness, they don’t glitter in the sun.  They burn up like they’re supposed to…unless they’ve been drinking faery blood.  Look, it’s complicated, just take my word for it.  Visit Bon Temps if you want.


Jon Burrows

 
An exclusive writer for Geek Smash, Jon hails from Mississippi and has a passion for music, comic-books, and writing. He collects antique cars and enjoys shooting handguns. Jon sings in his church choir, volunteers his time helping the Salvation Army at local events and doubles as Santa during Christmas season.